Review of Reason

The Spoiled Effects of Online Dating

This article may not be what you expect it addresses the expectations we have regarding all sorts of relationship questions,dating,new friends,long-term dating,short-term dating,activity partners,long-distance,pen pals,casual sex,long term relationships,and marriage.

Imagine living 200 years living in a small European village or hamlet where may be there were 200 people living,consider that the traditional Chinese unit based in their tax code was ten families as the smallest it could get. Consider people lived there relatively in the same geographic areas where they died,that traveling great generally was out of the question and if it occurred it put you in history books. On e of the great advances for the liberalization of sex and relationships was the automobile where couples for the weekend romance or a illicit adulterous rendezvous  could all take trips and be out of the staring glares of those who watchfully saw you. Out of sight in what is considered even today social pressure,where at great distances lengths the “taboos”of inter-racial,or marginalized  sexual liaisons occur. Away from the peering eyes of family,adult,spousal,churches,associates,local community and employees et cetera.

Further imagine placing your husband or wife in the exclusive company of many,many,people many of whom are fairly attractive,intelligent,clever,resourceful,motivated people where they can be seduced and there you begin to find the root of the problem of online dating. Not that they can not be trusted no,no,but in that they can view a greater variety of the spice of life. Not very good situation right? Ah depends.

In searching online for some sort of relationship or encounter there is a problem where  standards of what is acceptable is based on the availability of those encounters,as you very well can not all so readily have chance encounters where you have little chance of success. As with gene pools the question of dynamics is governed by the question of diversity. I can imagine if you were the American in China,or the only Chinese person in American you would be one hell of a hot commodity,perhaps I am wrong because people also fear what is strange to them and which unknown.

In any case I am proceeding along the lines of easily conceivable circumstances,namely merely going online for a dating,dinner dates,encounters in sexual affairs,long term relationships and the Big M (“marriage”).

First for a few numbers,not that I want to fill my head up with numbers but invariably they are related to matters involving large numbers of people and these highly competitive and profitable corporate enterprises,which for those of you who wish to regard some of the fairly accurate data commonly available online I have included a partial list of dating sites and their particulars at the end of this article. [1]

Back too the question of using or how to use online dating sites,being that I have met a number of people I first came into acquaintance with online,firstly I wish to make clear several caveats besides the usual ones of nothing is perfect. As busy adults in the modern world especially for those with tight work schedules and pressures of school and kids online dating is not cure all panacea for all your ills,some people write well,some read well,some do not read and write well,some have charm and grace,some are neat,and some are slobs. One person’s slob is another person neat freak,open minded for one is not open minded for all,some are fast and some are slow.

So generally we can expect that even if we find someone to our liking that that event will only become know to us over a period of time,as some married couples after many years and decades,still do not know each other all that well. So it is not merely sporting the revealing bodice or bikini shot to entice seduce your lover,as actually some people might figure that is exactly what you are doing and will be pissed that you try that on them,or maybe they will just not be in the mood at that moment.

Do you remember your mom and dad when they hugged you as a child and that connected you to them by some of the most subtle details of sight,sound and smell,in what people call for good reason bonding?

DO you remember the scents of specific lovers years after you last saw them,and have almost forgotten their faces in your memories but remember those things,which  chemists and marketers often team up to find so they can sell you Charmin as opposed to the generic brand of toilet paper?

Well those details of memory are in play in online dating not that you can smell the person,or even hear,touch and see them yet,but they are in play,as well as the overwhelming numbers of millions of people who have gone online to hookup a date locally within a few miles of them if possible,and find that once in a life time true romance some where any where in the world. Don’t say it is not possible because one summer during my vacation for work at a local factory,  I traveled to Europe before the internet,to meet up again with a young woman met in New York City for whom I was quite passionate about,and later in life traveled half way across the US on another occasion.

Much like pornography might dull our sexual senses by exposing us to what may cause a greater and greater need for stimulus in seeing what many people can not live up to as standard,so too in expanding our pool of social networking resources beyond our local communities we judge what we have locally by what we see internationally. Where once it was the boy and girl next that we compared to those we knew at school and work,now we compare them to an international array of personalities,bodies,shapes,sizes,demeanors,personalities et cetera. That in which I am not saying to settle for what is not to your liking but in a question of indulgence where we once overlooked many defects. Such broadening of our horizons seemingly may spoil us ,and close our minds to what is otherwise quite acceptable,where such diversity for a miniscule statistical benefit,can,may or will dull our senses to what may quite acceptable. In discrepancies and differences which once upon a s time may have become accepted rather than rejected,in  judgments of differences lessened and magnified by different standards. Different standards which are some time better or worse today,when compared to those which were used only perhaps twenty years ago after all online date have only recently come into acceptance.

So this is a call for the exercise of wisdom and prudence in using online dating services which have also become a stalking ground of all sorts of questionable activity that would not be criminal in nature but unwise,fickle,casual and generally lacking,and very confusing. Looks or personality,charm,wit or money,convenience or perfection,where once the common stereotype was summarized by “loves me,loves me not”,today the dynamics are much more complex,spread out over large geographic areas,entire continents and countries,or which even go worldwide. As in who is the best women in the world for me,which is the best man in the world for you?

Imagine these online dating social networks as gigantic nightclubs where everyone has a private room,but for which there are 25,000 to 50,000 people online at any given time,imagine the odds,either betting odds or practical win lode odds of online dating success and failure. If you were in a night club how many times will you want to hear stories on routines of work,home,gardening,community involvement,art,cooking,the Steelers and Cowboys last Super Bowl match up? Be honest how many photos do you want to see of “Me and my Harley”,me and my dog,me is a low cut blouse,me in sexy lingerie,me and my kids,me and the ex,me and the family photos,et cetera do you want to see before you allow yourself to scream and shouts in going nuts?

At any given time there are tens of thousands of romantic love sick women and men online,where the common denominators favor the national average of dumb and dumbest where the error is to assume things will be alright as we both like the same things. We like the beach,we like camping,we work for the government,we are medical health professionals,we are teachers,we are divorced students going back to school. My European cousin once sat me down in front of the TV with the top ten finalists on screen in a national or trans-European beauty contest and literally she asked which is the best. ??? How the fuck would I know they were all cute,they were all talented,they were all on TV,so I might as well have tossed dice to pick one or threw darts or something as the bottom line was it was a crap shoot and nothing I could do would change that. In what online dating does that can twist the mind after a while wondering over the details for which these corporate sponsors attempt to reassure us in stating their empirical scientific basis and psychometrics of the same caliber as opinion pollsters which are always subject to mistake and error,by not merely them but also you in not being completely privy to exactly how it all works,and in not being able to control how some oen else answers those dumb questions.

Dumb Question Examples:

#1.”Do you enjoy provoking people just to get a response. Often. Sometimes. Never.” Well generally I don’t do that,but in love,war,and business,all is fair and if 1 my love does not response in something very important,or in business answers from an associate are required I will get that answer even at the expense of not seeming pleasant,after all the relationship,the kids,relatives,or my money is in jeopardy so I want an answer and I want it ASAP like yesterday,so like it is an obligation or responsibility and I don’t enjoy it at all (note so I can not pick any of the three answers)

#2. “Do you think drug use with your partner can be a romantic activity? Yes No” What the heck are they talking about recreational drugs where they should really specify also hard drugs like cocaine and heroin,and or soft drugs like cannabis (including medical marijuana),or if someone needed Viagra,psych meds,sinus and headache medications. (note so I can not pick any of the answers)

#3.”Are you happy with your life? Yes No” Another what the fuck question as in what which day is it,and what was the time of day,doing what like “working?”How many people if asked this question during work probably will say they hate it all? be honest after all we all know that going “postal”is job related,and we are in our comfort zones at home (note so I can not pick any of the answers).

Going on question after questions,there is a another loaded dumb question that honestly normal people should not answer. No mater which online dating service was used there was always a problem which brings me to the next stone wall split second decisions,judgmental thinking,and most importantly communication.

So let me tell you I was born in New York City,where I was born,breed,raised and lived many years,on any given week day 9am to 5pm there are on average 25,000,000 to 50,000,00 people in New York City,so I am not that shy though my Myers-Briggs test results says I am slightly introverted. This is how it has prepared  me for life,as I can walk up to almost any individual in a public place and start some kind of conversation. Anywhere,any one,any where. though I may wish heavy artillery backup in some cases,as New York City did not make exactly shy though I have my quirks as we all do. So when I get 35 hits on my Dr. of Love authorized profile hey the more the merrier,though often soon I mind find out they were only were taking a fly over. No need to talk they were on a mission,and there was no need for conversation,like why bother,after all I am listed as a PhD no need to test that thing.

Though officially I am not a PhD. but seems personally is required to compensate for the fact,there is no other indicator as a guide that allows for one’s level of intelligence,knowledge etc. otherwise,as autodidacts can not easily be classified,nor honestly state their qualifications of international caliber without the pro forma a sheepskin indicated. Hell as Socrates,Pres. Abraham Lincoln and Gov. Alfred Smith achieve much including  high office,with only six years of formal education between them.

In short there is something missing if in public I can walk up to thousands of people and start conversations but online the IRF (Internet Rudeness Factor) dictates that people who would otherwise speak in real life avoid each other. Okay chink in the armor being some would say is that in real life people are more apt to not walk away because they are afraid.

Now I heard that people in Los Angeles are cold and many places are cold,but that is not the world standard as America lives in fear “clinging to guns and religion”(President Obama) as in most places in the world people are nice,while Americans say they are not most likely due to the UAF (no not the University of Alaska,the Ugly American Factor).

Constantino Arias'photo titled Ugly American,showing a 1950s Batista-era tourist in Havana,Cuba.

“Where Ugly American is an epithet used to refer to perceptions of loud,arrogant,demeaning,thoughtless and ethnocentric behavior of American citizens mainly abroad,but also at home. Although the term is usually associated with or applied to travelers and tourists,it also applies to US corporate businesses in the international arena.”

Where Americans bring those very same ugly attitudes home to apply them on their fellow Americans as prejudices that even affect progressives and liberals,in what is unacceptable,demeaning,pointless,“loud,arrogant,demeaning,thoughtless and ethnocentric behavior”in what is in particular part of the class structure of oppression in the United States.

I have paid for some online dating services and do not consider them any particularly better than the free ones,but after use demanded my money back as it was worth as much as those psychological profile examinations which tells you what jobs you would be best suited for and like though you should know that yourself. I recommend using more patience in exercising communication skills than you normally would use,that any one who does take the time to converse people online with something meaningful in the non-personal sense,like  abstract about the real world,can very well be a hustler,or part of a team of hustlers, gets what they deserve,or is up to not good. Lastly interestingly the free online psychological tests are great and probably I could find more of them I can savor:

the Myers-Briggs http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
the enneagram http://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test.php

So knowing at this time I have given my best summary of online dating that I could in the short time today that I give. Thank you hope you enjoyed the read if you have any questions or statements please post them as that is wjhat I read and answer first.

[1] End Notes

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